The All Ordinaries came to the Sports Centre full of confidence, ready to face the bottom side and get a percentage boosting win. The opposition only had four players and asked our permission to grab two ring-ins. Being the good sports that we are, we of course said yes, not thinking of the possible consequences. We won the toss and decided to bat with the team represented by Captain Hanlon, Pinman, Smithy, Pretty Boy, Serry Senior and Serry Junior Junior.
The two Serrys were sent in to bat first. Facing some hostile bowling, they opened brightly with 8 runs for no loss, and despite losing a wicket were 15 after 2 and looking great. Sadly, that look was short-lived with the next over producing 2/-1 and the last 2/-3 (with Serry Senior being run out TWICE for backing up too far - he claimed he was trying to get down the other end to protect his son from facing some dangerous short pitched bowling. Others suspect he just likes hogging the strike). They walked off the pitch with a disappointing 11 (Serry Senior 9, Serry Junior Junior 2) after their fine first two overs.
Pretty Boy and Smithy batted next and continued the team inconsistency. They scored a steady 0/5 off the first over, managed 2/-1 off the next including two nice opposition catches, made a productive 0/8 off the third and then a disappointing 2/-2 off the last for a total of 10 (Pretty Boy 10, Smithy 0). The two ring-ins were doing a remarkable job in the field, stopping many runs and producing a run-out or two. Smithy, who was clearly not happy with the very good standard of the ring-ins, trudged off muttering something like higher grade stand-ins should not be allowed. With the team on only 21, something inspiring was now needed.
Needless to say the inspiration did come, but sadly it was from the two ring-ins who were in sparkling form. Captain and Pinman opened steadily with 0/6 and then put the accelerator down making 1/9 off the second and were batting well. However, the team drinks may have been spiked given the general performance of all the batsmen (though the fact that we don't have team drinks doesn't really provide evidence of the theory) as the next over produced 3/-5 including two run-outs. The last was much better producing 1/9 and a final partnership of 19 (Captain 16, Pinman 3). The team had struggled to make an almost indefensible 40 and would need to bowl better than their absolute best to have any chance. Having given up 7 run outs and 7 catches, the team cannot be accused of lack of generosity!
Pretty Boy opened the bowling to the two ring-ins and allowed 9 runs without loss (Smithy could still be heard muttering about fairness in the background!). Captain brought himself on and bowled beautifully, taking 1/0 with his fast bowling. Serry Senior came on and produced a steady 1/7 and the Pinman produced a final over of 1/9 including a six were Pinman, in attempting to take a caught and bowled, managed to tap the ball even higher so it sailed over the fielder backing him up, on to the back fence for six. This soccer goalkeeper approach has been perfected by Pinman, but this reporter thinks someone should tell him that if he uses his hands to make it a six, it inst recorded as six runs for the All Ords but rather as six runs against his own bowling! After this first pair, the opposition were more than half way there with 25.
Serry Junior bowled the next over to what appeared to be the strongest batting pair and conceded 0/19 (including two sixes) though a dropped catch in the field didn't help. With this pair in full flight and the game rushing out of the All Ords' reach, Smithy did well to only allow 13 runs off his over. Pretty Boy steadied the ship taking 1/9, with the wicket a ball that took middle stump for a nice bowled. Captain came in and bowled very fast again, restoring some respectability with a great 2/-2 but the bird had flown, with the opposition making 39 for the second pair and being comfortably past the All Ords' score of 40.
With the result all but over and the All Ords playing for pride (or lack of it), Serry Senior came on to bowl and kept the score down with 1/1. Pinman also produced a wicket in his second over taking 1/8. Serry Junior Junior bowled without luck again allowing 0/9 and Smithy was left with the tough task of facing the opposition for the last over when they could go the smash without fear of losing. Given the situation, his 0/17 was a good job as he only allowed one six. The last opposition pair had made 35 for a total of 93 and a comprehensive victory to the bottom side. Smithy can still be heard muttering about ring-ins and this journalist believes the All Ords should adopt a new attitude. If a decision involves letting the opposition do something because it is good sportsmanship to let them, DON'T DO IT!!!! (This view is not necessarily the team view but we suspect it is Smithy's!)
Bowling figures: Pretty Boy 1/18, Captain 3/-2, Serry Senior 2/8, Pinman 2/17, Serry Junior Junior 0/28, Smithy 0/30
All Ords' man of the match: clearly Captain taking 2/-3 and being the only real performer with the bat making 16.
Sadly, there is always next week.
PS This report was late in coming in an attempt to save team embarrassment!